I have not died

10 December 2013



source: unknown (if you know it, message me)
Also, this made me incredibly happy for some reason, so I thought I'd share it with you
Hello readers!
   It's been so long! I'm actually incredibly surprised that my number of followers hasn't exponentially decreased--in fact, the number hasn't budged at all! My only reasonable excuse for my absence is that this is my junior year and my ability to conform to the American school system's rigid and narrow-minded set-up has resulted in lower than wanted grades. It frustrates me that they're so low, and not in the A-B frame of mind, but the A-B-C-possibly D frame of mind. I'm usually an A-B student, and this is my first year where I'm actually struggling at borderline failing. This has resulted in stress and self-deprecation to the extent where instead of writing blog posts or reading books--two things I enjoy immensely,  I would curl up and scroll endlessly to the vast, mind-numbing expanses of Tumblr and the narcissistic landscape of Facebook, and let's not forget the sea of Youtube. I'm not proud of this, and my view of myself is not one that I like. One could say this is due to the fact that I gained five pounds, granted the doctor said I was underweight--but if you know anything about weight, this is the fat kind, not the muscle kind. Junior year has not been kind, and only now do I understand the rumours and the complaining all the upperclassmen did last year. I now know that they were perfectly entitled to their complaining. But, you see, I go to a school where standards are very high. I do not know anyone that has less than As and Bs. This high level competition only exacerbates my anxiety and I wish I could forget this all and just sit down and read a book like old times. Apart from the external forces that appear to be conspiring against me, internal forces too compel me to feel uncomfortable--like that tiny voice that keeps telling me "It would be different if you were a boy". For example, most of my shopping experience consists of me ogling the fine quality and delicious stitching of men's department clothing. I found a blazer the other day that I lusted after--only realising that my shoulders were not broad enough to fill it in. I still bought a blazer though, and it is fine.  Still waiting for the right occasion to wear it.
  Now, I have been reading. For school, yes, and also on my free time, if such a thing exists any more. I've been reading Socialist essays by Oscar Wilde and I finished reading Siddhartha by Herman Hesse. It was not a good book, let me tell you this, not a good book at all. I thought it'd be about Buddha, but it wasn't.


 I have no idea where to start reading again as winter break approaches ever so slowly. I thought it'd be best to make a list and prepare for blissful reading. This morning, I read a BBC article about famous French novels and it seemed to me that other forces were conspiring this time to help me. But I'd also enjoy other recommendations. Preferably classics. My endeavour to enrich my knowledge of the classics has not ended, and I feel out of the loop when it comes to young adult books. Many of my peers are all reading them. One asked me yesterday, "Have you read Divergent?" and I said, "No, but I know that it's very popular". Other books catch me by surprise, like "Bitterblue is already out?!" or "This author published another book?!" I know several years ago, I would have been thrilled, but now I'm more surprised than anything. I remember anxiously waiting for the release of Bitterblue, but now that it's out, and apparently it has been for quite some time, I don't feel that same excitement.

 Anyway. Recommendations!
 Also, how have you all been? I haven't heard from you guys in ages--do comment telling me how you're doing and what's changed!

P.S. In the midst of my poor marks, I'd like to mention I was one of the select few that got a perfect score on my writing exam (it's a graduation requirement for all high schoolers). I'd like to thank you all for allowing me to achieve this goal by writing reviews--it forces me to be eloquent. Reading truly does make you a better writer--remember this!

bonne nuit!

1 thoughts:

  1. Darling! Sorry to hear that school is stressing you out. I understand because I’ve been there. I am not an American and I had attended an American University for my bachelor’s degree. I was homesick and the work load was hard to adjust to, my grades fell so low in my first semester that I was put on academic probation but I did so much better in my second term that I got out of it. Still my GPA suffered. I didn’t have this blog when I was in school but I think I would have managed so much better if I had the blogger’s advice on studying and attaining a high GPA. She also has great advice on personal development and being positive and achieving your goals ^_^.

    I hope you find her blog helpful I am linking you directly to her posts on studies and school but feel free to branch out into her other stuff.

    As for book recommendations I haven’t been so great this year with reading. I guess I can relate with you there too since I used to be able to read over 100 books a year but for this year I’ve only read 20 so far. Still I am happy that I am getting back into reading if slowly.

    Here are some recommendations.

    Adult Chic Lit (it has romance and it’s funny) – Can You Keep a Secret by Sophie Kinsella (was recommended to me in college but I didn’t read it until I was in university and I always recommend it now, it’s definitely a great book if you want something light and fun)

    YA/MG Series so great they will definitely keep you occupied if you like great world building and characters. – Leviathan Trilogy by Scott Westerfeld, Skulduggery Pleasant Series by Derek Landy, Faery Rebels by R.J. Anderson

    YA Contemporaries (I don’t read a lot of cotemporaries but these one I loved) – Pushing the Limits by Katie McGarry, Lock and Key by Sarah Dessen (one of my favourites by her) and The Tension of Opposites by Kristina McBride

    Magical MGs (Middle Grade Books that just had me falling in love with them. Beautifully written) The Kneebone Boy by Ellen Potter, Plain Kate by Erin Bow and Inkheart by Cornelia Funke (this is an old favourite)

    Adult Urban Fantasy - Blood Bound by Rachel Vincent (I didn't really like her YA book My Soul to Take but this book is one of my most fav Urban Fantasy books) and Hounded by Kevin Hearn (so much fun)

    High Fantasy – The Demon King by Cinda Williams Chima (YA one of my most favs ever), Doppelganger/Warrior by Marie Brennan (I wanted more books in this world).

    I hope you find at least one or two books in this list to fall in love with and keep you occupied. Also be careful with tumblr, I get sucked into almost every day and can lose hours on it when I could be doing lots of other things like reading, writing, drawing, chores, studying etc. It’s a great site and I am obsessed in it but don’t let it take over your life!

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